I had to present at a department meeting yesterday at Nokia, and I was soooo scared.
I have the shakes and a racing heart because of my problems with hyperthyroid at the moment so was hoping no one mistook that for really bad nerves.
A friend suggested I use some jokes to lighten the mood so I did that. Here they are:
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "We'll document it in the manual."
None. It's a hardware problem.
1.000000001.
Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one technical writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the one who documented it, one light bulb librarian, a sales-force of at least five to drum up enough users who want to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out the new bulb, at which point we go to tender for another light bulb change,...
Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.
My slides and presentation went OK. I also engaged some of the audience in an ad-hoc discussion over the Jave Developer Library I am working on so that helped it go better too.
After it was all over, I ran back to my desk to sink down into my chair and eat chocolate and cookies. Comfort eating at its best.
ps
I put a joke like this on my Facebook page, and some pals added these to the list:
Tom Carroll
How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a lightbulb? Five; one to change it and four to complain that it's electric.
Martin Searle
Slight variant on the above: How many folk musicians does it take to change a lightbulb? - five; one to change it, and four to sing about the old lightbulb
Martin Searle
How many women with PMT does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. IT JUST FUCKING DOES!
Martin Searle
How many surgeons does it take to change a lightbulb? None. That's what anaesthetists are for.
Laurabelle Harding Howard
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
3 comments:
These are probably on your FB page, but still:
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but the bulb must *genuinely want to change*.
How many dadaists does it take to change a light bulb?
The unicorn flies over a popcorn watch.
Ha ha! Hadn't heard the Dadaist one before. Thanks.
E, when can we expect your Powerpoint deck? :)
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