Rightwing Corner

Welcome to another edition of Rightwing Corner, where I let a conservative reader speak freely. Just think of it as the blog equivalent of Speaker's Corner in Hyde Park, London. Anyone can stand up there and say whatever flies into their brain. If you want to feature in the next Rightwing Corner, send me your rant.

Greetings, moviegoers, from the Grand Old Porch of Uncle Cy's Cabin. This week, I'm afraid Bruce and I have to raise a red flag of alert on a seemingly innocuous children's movie, Roxy Hunter and the Myth of the Mermaid.



If your children love Jesus, and the next word they think of when they hear the name Ronald is Reagan and not McDonald, you will want to protect them from the subtle but powerful leftist messages that use this supposed children's adventure movie as a vehicle of indoctrination.

What's wrong with this movie? To sum it up, it contains implied atheism, an instance of full off-stage nudity, an instance of implied on-stage nudity, multiculturalism, and a confusing message about the proper role of homosexuality, numerous instances of lack of honoring of one's parents, heavy stereotyping of male Asians, Indians, American heterosexuals, and typecasting of capitalism as evil and destructive of the environment.

Set in the town of Serenity Falls, which has no church and does not observe Sunday, the story revolves around the attempts of tenish year old Roxy Hunter to solve the mystery of a naked amnesiac who is discovered one morning in front of the town's sushi restaurant. Major players in the drama are Roxy's mother Susan, Susan's boss and love interest Jon, Jon's rival and Susan's infatuation Kip, the town librarian Mr. Tibers (yum), Roxy's fiance and houseguest Max (a boy genius), and Roxy's bumbling Indian medical student friend Rama. Pleasing cinematography fails to hide the more sinister aspects of the film as the story unfolds.

Of greatest concern to Bruce and I was the torrid relationship of Kip and Jon; Jon as assistant manager of the town bank has become comfortable with the affections of Ms. Susan Hunter. Kip comes to town in a flashy red car with pockets full of money and vies for Susan's attention, leading to three scenes in which this challenge to Jon's claim is explored. Simply put, Bruce and I are confused as to why this was part of the story. The veneer of heterosexuality covering these two actors is as thin as the tissue in an airport restroom. Two of the scenes feature Kip and Jon simpering and making googoo eyes at each other while engaged in what is supposed to be manly repartee over who most deserves Susan.

The sexual chemistry between these two Valentinos erupts into physical passion when Kip challenges Jon to a game of wastepaper basketball. It's a sweaty scene that ends in Jon knocking Kip to the floor after Kip "fouls" him; the sexual innuendo is thick. In itself Bruce and I can see a certain amount of charm in this but we both agree it isn't children's fare.

Here's our question to Nickelodeon: Is it appropriate to portray obvious male homosexuals as interested in a cute and lovely young woman with a young daughter? Is Nickelodeon promoting mixed marriages with this message?

We won't hold our breath until we get an answer from the left coast. To Nickelodeon we say leave homosexuality where it belongs, in public tearooms and private bedrooms. And to you, dear moviegoers, we say leave this one on the shelf and take home "Golddiggers: Secret of Bear Mountain" with Christina Ricci and Anna Chlumsky. It's a lot more wholesome and adventurous and we are certain your Jesus loving children will appreciate it more; they won't be left feeling confused either, all the messages in Bear Mountain are clear and conservative.

Cyrus V. Witherspoon