Waxed to within an inch of my life

I put my life on the line yesterday and finally went to get my legs waxed. I have been too scared to have it done before but I agreed to go with my daughter to have it done in time for our vacation in a week.

I reminded my husband where our will is, and what to do for dinner in case I didn't make it back after such a traumatic event. I was still saying, "I'm scared! I'm scared!" to my daughter when the beauty therapist opened the door.

"You'll live," she assured me.

The only reason I went is because I heard about this therapist through the gravevine -- that she was the best. Apparently, one of the great waxing sins is going too slow in the removal of the wax -- it can be absolute torture.

Even with this therapist's expertise, though, getting the bikini area done was no walk in the park. And she had such a personality. As you know, wanting parts of your body to be hairless can be associated with certain types of sexual preferences -- I'm trying to be delicate here -- but oh well, let's just say that some gay guys like to be hairless so they have to go to waxing places.

My beauty therapist said clients pretend that they aren't gay or transsexual, or whatever it is they want to hide, but she can tell by what procedures they want done what their sexual orientation is. (One of her Muslim clients wants *everything* waxed off because she is supposed to be hairless according to the religion. Will have to check that out - never heard that one before.)

Another gay client insists on talking about his 'wife' all the time, even though the therapist knows there is no wife.

She also said clients put on their 'best' underwear for her -- lace, ribbons, stiff fabrics -- that she then has to move around so she can get to the areas -- my daughter and I wore old cotton things that she said are best. Isn't that amusing that her clients dress in their 'best' panties to go see her?

One of the funniest things she said is that in her entire clientele, she only has two screamers who just roar in pain when she does the waxing. One of them, she said, is a hypnotherapist who works in a maternity unit. Can't you just picture her counselling/hypnotizing women going through childbirth when she herself can't even get her legs waxed without losing it? Why can't she just put herself under for the waxing session?