Some people have kindly shown an interest in my family's struggles with Asperger's Syndrome. I wrote some columns for my friend Elizabeth A's parenting magazine when my son Mikey, now 14, was younger. Here's one of them:
"It was 90 degrees outside. I was inside an air-conditioned shop trying to find long sleeve shirts and pants for my three-year-old son Mikey. He’s autistic and will only wear winter clothes, even in the blazing heat of summer. The boys’ section just had shorts and T-Shirts. ‘Don’t you have any winter clothes?’ I asked a surprised clerk. ‘But it’s summer,’ she said. Then I saw the straggling remains of a sale rack out of the corner of my eye. Ah, there’s some long-sleeved stuff. For girls, though. I bought the clothes anyway, and snipped off the floral decorations and pink bows before giving them to my son.
All normal parenting rules are out the window when you’re dealing with an autistic child. If I interfered with Mikey’s obsessions such as wanting to wear certain types of clothes, the resulting tantrums could last hours and I’d be unable to get him to nursery or my daughter to school or myself to the office. Until I could learn how to cope with his autistic behavior, I had to give in. Imagine how odd he looked at our local swimming pool, wandering around in winter clothes with a jacket on, trying to find where each of the pool’s drains was located. ‘Doesn’t your boy want to get out of those clothes and swim?’ asked a woman baking in the sunshine nearby. How could I explain to her about his autism?
Autism affects children in different ways. But basically, autistic children don’t participate in what we consider normal life. They find comfort in routines - the same clothes, the same rituals, the same habits.
I have trouble thinking about much besides autism whenever I'm around other people’s children or even looking at photos of them. When I passed a colleague's desk at work and spotted a large picture of his new baby boy, I thought involuntarily: I hope that child is OK. I hope he doesn't turn out to be autistic. Not that I don't adore my boy, but his diagnosis has been like an earthquake in my family. Our expectations, hopes and aspirations lay like rubble around us, and now we must rebuild our foundation.”
Sunday, 20 April 2008
Struggling with Asperger's Syndrome
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3 comments:
I am married to a 54 year old man with Asperger's and I wonder how easier his life might have been had he been diagnosed earlier. Instead, he was just the odd one, his whole life. I literally ache when he tells me about his lonely childhood, knowing he wasn't like everyone else, but not knowing why. He told me once that he always wished for someone to hug him, but hating it if someone ever did.
As for the clothing issue, my husband can only wear clothing that is 100% cotton and his day-to-day uniform is button-downed, long sleeve shirts and Levis 505 jeans. If it's very hot, then he has become willing to wear shorts and golf shirts, but it must be very hot!
He struggles with doing "social", as he calls it, but he is the most amazing and funniest person I've ever met and I'm so lucky to have him as my husband.
Theresa, that's fascinating. I didn't know that the clothes thing could go on into adulthood. thanks for adding that insightful detail to the discussion.
PS: had to delete the last comment but it was basically the same as this one
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